Date: 2026-10-29
AO: FreeState
Q: Horshack ,
PAX: Horshack, Andrew Churchill, Pigeon, Mark Michael, Dungeon Master FNGs: None
COUNT: 5
Disclaimer: The exercises are only suggestions, modify as necessary
TIMMY’s CHALK
Two nights before Halloween, beneath the school’s dim lights, somebody left two messages in chalk: “TIMMY TOUGH-KNUCKLES” and, underneath, “GPA 2.0 ACTIVITIES.” No signature. No explanation. Just one tiny handprint beside it—and five chalky knuckle marks pressed into the brick.
WARMUP: “Things That Shouldn’t Be Moving”
– 25 SSH IC
– 10 Frankensteins IC
– 10 Werewolf Squats (From standing, squat deeply while bringing the hands toward the ground, then rise explosively and reach/howl the cadence upward.)
– Bat Wings (10 forward circles, 10 backwards, 10 seal claps, 10 overhead claps) – Dead man hang and swing (like piano keys)
– Worlds greatest stretch – peddle out
TIMMY’s TRACKS
We searched the wall after warm-up. No footprints. No backpack. No student ID. But below Timmy’s name were smears heading downward—as though whoever wrote it had dropped into a merkin, crawled away on all fours, and disappeared toward the darkest end of the school.
Tha Thang
Set 1 — “Tough-Knuckles’ Hallway”
7 minutes of:
– 10 Timmy Tough Merkins (on your knuckles)
– 5 Body Bag Builders (alarm Clocks)
– 10 Cockroach Resurrections (Lie on your six with arms and legs extended off the ground. Pull knees and arms together toward your chest, then rapidly extend everything back outward without resting your feet or shoulders.)
– Zombie Walk 15 yards (slow forward lunges with arms straight out like a zombie.)
– Zombie Crawl 15 yards back. (Start in a plank position. Crawl forward using your arms while letting both legs drag behind you)
TIMMY’s ACTIVITIES
Then the first clue made sense. Tough-Knuckles wasn’t a nickname for fighting. Timmy had been doing merkins on his fists. Nearby we found another chalk list: BODY BAGS. ZOMBIES. COCKROACHES. Either this kid had terrible extracurriculars… or “Activities” meant something much worse.
Set 2 — “The GPA 2.0 Investigation”
7 minutes of:
– 20 Peter Parkers — 10 each side
– 10 Werewolf Squats
– 20 Zombie Crunches — 10 each side (Lie on your back with arms extended stiffly in front like a zombie. Crunch upward while bringing one knee toward the torso/opposite arm; alternate sides.)
– 10 Flying Squirrels (From standing, launch forward/downward as though diving like a flying squirrel, extending arms and legs outward, catch yourself into a low/plank position, then recover to standing. Think burpee’s lunatic cousin without the merkin. – Out and Back escape run: “Run like Timmy is behind you.”
TIMMY’s GPA
The letters G-P-A had been circled. We assumed that meant grades. Then we found more words: WEREWOLF. PETER PARKER. FIRE DRILL. No classes. No earned credit. And beside every word Timmy had drawn the same thing: a little stick man suffering enthusiastically.
Set 3 — “Mandatory Fire Drill”
– First 3 minutes:
– Fire Drill exactly in the Exicon spirit: circle up, fast feet/high knees.
– One PAX at a time yells “FIRE!” Everyone hits the deck, rolls right, Merkin, rolls left, Merkin, gets back up. Keep going around the circle.
Then immediately:
– 4 minutes of Bearmuda Triangle.
– Set three cones about 15 yards apart in a triangle rather than the full ~30 yards because you’ve only got five minutes. – Cone 1: 1 Burpee
– Bear Crawl to Cone 2: 2 Burpees
– Bear Crawl to Cone 3: 3 Burpees
– Bear Crawl home.
TIMMY’s 2.0
At the Bearmuda Triangle, the case got stranger. One chalk arrow pointed back toward the school and read: “SECOND EDITION.” Another read: “NO ONE LEAVES BEFORE MARY.” That was when we realized 2.0 wasn’t Timmy’s GPA.
Set 4 — “Detention After Dark”
Make four corners around half the court. 7 minutes, continuously:
Corner 1 — 10 Jumping Spiders (Begin in plank. Explosively jump both feet forward and outward toward the hands, almost like a spider landing beside its front legs, then jump the feet back to plank.) Corner 2 — 10 Werewolf Squats
Corner 3 — 10 Flying Squirrels
Corner 4 — 10 Timmy Tough Merkins
Karaoke between corners.
MARY’S WARNING FOR THOSE TIMMY LEFT BEHIND
Behind the last corner, almost erased, was Timmy’s final warning: “MARY KNOWS THE TRUTH.” Beneath it: “IF YOU HEAR THE LAST BELL, FINISH THE ABS.” So naturally, being responsible adults, we ignored every survival instinct we had and lay down on the ground.
MARY: “The Séance”
15 Dying Cockroaches IC
→ 10 Cockroach Resurrections
→ 15 Heels to Heaven
→ 10 Zombie Crunches each side
→ finish with Hands of Time
Case closed.
Timmy Tough-Knuckles was never a student. He was a Q who used this wall as his workout board. “GPA 2.0 Activities” meant “Graveyard Physical Activities, Version 2.0 Activities”
And then why did he write “Activities” twice? Because apparently Timmy’s actual GPA really was 2.0. Happy Halloween.
ANNOUNCEMENTS:
– Old Rag – depart tomorrow, sunrise summit on Saturday
– Accelerate Campaign – Last few days – seeking monthly donors of $25 or more. We have one so far, need 4 more to get the Maryland flag! – The Grunt – sign up – 7a Sat Nov 7
– Starting Sunday – Monthly Challenge: F3 The Capital vs. New Jersey – which region can do the most Merkins, teaming with https://movember.com/about-us. I am committing to 3,000 Merkins in Movember (100 per day). Join the challenge on Slack monthlychallenge
COT:
– Thank you to FIFA (F3 The Capital) – Coronary Calcium CT Scan. He suggested it over two years ago.
– my scan revealed “dangerous levels of calcified plaque, seek immediate medical intervention” and I’ll be seeing a cardiologist for the first time as a result – Do your screenings men!
