Date: 2026-07-01
AO: Potomac Rising
Q: Baguette ,
PAX: The Situation, FIFA (F3 The Capital), Cookies, Baguette, Waco (Sumter), Take Out FNGs:
COUNT: 7
**”VAR Crimes: Tijuana Edition” — A 2026 World Cup Beatdown in Honor of Team Melli**
*Equipment: soccer balls, AO, your indignation*
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**Disclaimer (always)**
I’m not a doctor. Modify as needed. You’re responsible for your own body. The border closes on time. Nobody cares about your recovery.
**Warm-o-Rama**
– SSH x20 IC — “checking the studs”
– Toe Touches x15 — tying boots tight
– Windmills x15 — arguing with the ref already
– Mosey to the far end of the AO — “this isn’t even our home stadium”
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**The Thang — Stations of Indignity (rotate every 4 min, Q is ref/VAR throughout)**
**1. Tijuana Housing**
Bear crawl 20yds to a “camp” cone, do 10 merkins there. This is your base — except it isn’t. Q immediately blows whistle: “relocated,” and PAX must bear crawl back to start and re-establish camp. Repeat twice. No explanation given.
**2. The 24-Hour Border Window**
Partner up. One ball between two. PAX must complete 15 partner passes + 10 squats *before the Q’s countdown hits zero* (Q counts down fast and unevenly — 24, 23, 19, 18, 11…). The instant time expires, whistle blows: “match’s over, get back across” — PAX sprints back to the start line immediately, no cooldown, no rest, straight into the next station.
**3. Denied Visa**
Groups of 3. One PAX is randomly pulled by the Q — “denied entry” — and sent to do burpees alone on the sideline while the remaining 2 PAX have to complete the *full* group exercise set (20 merkins, 20 squats) short-handed, “double duty,” no reduction in reps.
**4. No Section for You**
One soccer ball, whole group. Set up a “stands” — cones marking seating. Do 8% fewer reps of everything *except* for one PAX each round, chosen by the Q, who gets zero rest reps while everyone else recovers — because there’s no section allocated for them. Rotate who’s excluded each round so everyone feels it once.
**5. Travel Fatigue Suicides**
Suicides across the field carrying/dribbling the soccer ball, cone to cone — but before the PAX starts, Q announces “connecting flight” and makes them run an extra out-and-back first, unweighted, no water, no break, straight into the suicide. This one’s just relentless. That’s the point.
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**Mary — Extra Time, No Subs**
– LBCs x25 IC — “we should’ve had subs, didn’t matter”
– American Hammers x25 IC holding the soccer ball
– WW2s throwing ball to partner
– Penguins x25 IC
– Dead bugs x 25 IC
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COT:
This one isn’t subtle on purpose. Team Melli got housed across a border they could only cross for 24 hours at a time, staff got denied visas and had to double up on jobs, their own fans got shut out of the stands, and their coach and captain said it out loud afterward — the exhaustion was real and it was engineered. None of that is imagined or normal tournament friction; it’s what happens when the rules get applied selectively. We showed up to this beatdown on our own terms, with full access, full rest, and a fair whistle — worth naming that out loud before we go about our day.
F3 The Capital 